"Dressing well is a form of good manners."
- Tom Ford
Today's post is less about management, less about leadership and more about observation and a call to action.
When did it become socially acceptable to go out in slippers and pajamas? When did we stop holding doors for others? When did it become ok to ignore the person sitting across from us in a business meeting, table, desk or any other setting to stare at an electronic screen? When did ignoring someone who smiles and says hello become the norm? When did we collectively decide to dress down, talk down and look down?
At my business I instituted a rule several years ago that no employee can be on their cell phone in front of a guest. Walking in the hallway? No cell phone. In your department where members and guests are present? No cell phone. They can get on thier phones on break in our cafe or in two other designated areas. I'm shocked at the pushback I get on this simple request for people to have a heads up approach to service. Smile, say hello, engage our members, our guests in conversation rather than stare at that little screen that you are so addicted to.
Parents of America our children are declining into a nation of selfish pigs. They can't see that when thier head is down they don't see the faces in front of them. They don't see that talking down to others and criticism only reflect thier own lack of SELF respect. They won't see that when they dress down their sloppy dress sends an indelible message to thier own mind that sloppy work, sloppy words and an inconsiderate life are ok. Unfortunately these problems are not unique to the young...they are learning it from us.
A very good friend of mine made an observation years ago that I have seen manifested more and more as we have slid down into pig nation. When describing his son who would eventually take over his business he said "Logan is great with people. He listens, is kind and is able get along well with a wide variety of people. That will be his ultimate key to success. Anyone with great people skills will be successful, but I'm afraid these skills are becoming more and more rare." We discussed then and many times afterward the decline of "people skills" in our society. Skills like listening, speaking, writing, conflict resolution and simple kindness are in decline as we continue to dress down, talk down and look down.
I get great amusement when I meet fully grown adult pigs - the CEOs, Presidents, Vice Presidents and so on who think that their title actually means that they are excused from good manners. Legends in thier own mind they seem to believe that we, those around then actually care what is on thier business card, thier letter head and under thier e-mail signature. I'm sorry sir, your poor manners are not excused just because you think you are important. You CAN be a CEO and an asshole at the same time, and you are proving so right now with your inconsiderate ways. As I tell my leadership group regularly, your title only means you have a greater responsibility to work, to lead and to contribute because once you start to think "you are the shit" you're going to start to smell like it.
It's time we took action. It's time we go back to the basics. It's time we stop being pathetic and live to our potential. It's time we stop dressing down. It's time we stop talking down to others. It's time we stop looking down at our e-devices when another human being is in the room. This post is an invitation to those who chose to take on titles - mothers, fathers, managers, leaders, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends and friends to stop the habits of the pig nation and rise up to a higher level. It's time to make a movement. Let's get together and do the following:
1. Dress up. I'm not suggesting we wear tuxedos and formal dresses to work every day. How we dress, however sends a message to our mind telling it how to behave. Dressing sloppily tells the brain to behave sloppily. Dress your expression of manners, your expression of artistic passion, your expression of self respect, based on your values, not someone else's.
2. Talk up. Gossip, criticism, cyber bullying...all forms of self expression of your poor self esteem. See the good in others and tell them. It's so simple and you will feel so much better. Weak minds gather like pigs to wallow in the mud of gossip. Step up. Talk others up. Don't flatter. Sincerely compliment. Otherwise keep your low self esteem to yourself.
3. Look up. The world is full of beauty. Beautiful people, beautiful scenery, beautiful thigs are all around. There is a fundamental difference on an ethereal and spiritual level when you connect to the beauty around you rather than burying your eyes in your phone. Smile. Say hi, please, thank you, yes mamm, no sir. The world needs your manners as an example. And finally...
4. Kindly call out bad manners. I recently sat with a woman who, from my assessment didn't realize how rude, how combative she was on a regular basis. We talked and I kindly asked if perhaps the history of major conflict that surrounded her may be coming from her habit of defensiveness, rather than a habit of receptivity. After pondering she admitted that it most likely did. No one had pointed it out to her before in a caring manner. I'd love to report that she has dramatically changed the habit but you and I both know that habit is a tough thing to break, retrain and cultivate it's replacement. I'm confident over time she will make the habit change. Silence can be a form of agreement. Not always, but often. Calling out bad manners in a non-critical, kind and non-combative way can help us as a society create the awareness needed to stop the bad habits while cultivating the good.
When did it become socially acceptable to go out in slippers and pajamas? When did we stop holding doors for others? When did it become ok to ignore the person sitting across from us in a business meeting, table, desk or any other setting to stare at an electronic screen? When did ignoring someone who smiles and says hello become the norm? When did we collectively decide to dress down, talk down and look down?
It happened when we woke and chose to allow it in our life. When we chose to allow it in the lives of those in our life. I hope collectively we can work together to dig out of our pig nation and return to greatness. As Jesus of Nazareth once said - "he that is the greatest is the least, and the servant of all." Here's to a return of good manners.
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