Confidence. What is it? In the wake of a true epidemic of suicides throughout our country and the world I have pondered this question quite often lately. This year alone we have lost celebrities, friends, colleagues and acquaintances to suicide. It is truly tragic. Somehow I think that confidence plays into the equation. Not fake confidence, not bravado, not the "look how cool my life is" bullshit we post online. True confidence. Confidence in you...not Superman, not "God", not your boss, your friends, your idols or some sort of savior that will swoop in and fix your shit...confidence in YOU.
Before you read any further I warn you this may not be a good post for most of you. This isn't your G, PG or even PG-13 rated post. No pretty pictures or flowery language. If you are offended by strong language and cursing please close your browser now. If not, don't comment, text me or call me later talking to me about it. You've been fairly warned. I'm not holding back on this one and yes, I understand that some say that cursing is just an excuse for a non-creative mind to express itself. Well, to hell with that, this is my most creative and vocal post because I believe sometimes we need to not just introduce the elephant in the room but we need to tell the big piece of shit that he is a piece of shit and to get out. Besides, using taboo words to call out taboo subjects is often the only way to shock the nervous system into true and lasting understanding and change.
Our society has so many wonderful advances in technology. The challenge is that we have moved so damn fast that we have not been able to keep up with it from an emotional intelligence standpoint. We have so much access to people, to ideas, to expression through social media constructs that we have truly convinced ourselves that our online presence...pretty, polished and pre-approved is true. We believe every damn opinion we have matters and that if we don't get enough fucking likes we don't mean anything.
What happened to the days when you said something and it didn't matter...and that was ok? What happened to the bad day that didn't need to be "faked better" by posting some sort of positivity shit online. What happened to the genuine pleasure that came from falling flat on your face, picking your ass up and moving forward?
I'm a jack ass. Those that know me know that. What you may not know is that this fact is true in many respects. When I was younger my dad use to wrap a rope around either me or one of my brothers at the beginning of planting season and we would literally be the jack ass that would pull the plow he would guide behind us. Fall down? Get up and keep going. Legs burning? Didn't matter - keep going. It sucked. Sweat stung the eyes, legs burned and when you fell you'd get cut up and dirty. You know what the crazy part of all the bullshit was? Eating the corn we harvested months later made it all worth it. So what? What did I learn? Well for one I was very weak. I couldn't pull that damn thing for shit! It took all the strength my toothpick legs had to pull the plow. I needed to persevere. I needed to get stronger. My failures made me better. Oh...and I didn't take a perfect picture of the freshly picked, shucked, cooked and buttered corn when we ate it. I actually just enjoyed eating it at our table as we looked out over the garden we picked it from.
I didn't build confidence because my corn looked great or I showed a cool selfie of me after the plowing took place. I gained confidence because I sucked, I was weak and pathetic. On, and did I mention that I'm a piece of shit perfectionist and would beat myself up every time I failed? Yeah, that built confidence too because I realized later on that nothing is life it "perfect." No matter how hard I tried there were and ARE always flaws...to everything.
Don't get me wrong - I'm no expert on confidence. I'm no psychologist or expert on life, living or worse - dying and suicide. I wonder though what would happen if we hit the pause button on the bullshit that fills our egos and "doubled down" as they say on our failures and what we can learn from them. What would happen if we read between the lines and saw the pain in others eyes or their posts and looked to truly give honest, true and constructive (positive AND negative loving) feedback to other? What if we really recognized the shit we sucked at AND the shit we aren't half bad at?
I've read many times that many people live lives "of quiet desperation." The epidemic rise in suicide confirms this statement. So what? What are we going to do? What if we looked deeper? What if we engaged with others sooner? What if we had the guts to tell people genuinely what we liked, valued and appreciated in each other BEFORE it was too late. What if your fucking obituary wasn’t told to you post-humorously? What if you were heralded as a great person before you died and you were told the good stuff usually only saved for your funeral while you could still hear it, while it still mattered.
This year I sat in one of the most impactful and difficult funerals I've been to. A man my age took his own life and left family, friends and children in the wake. Throughout the funeral I heard how often he wrote a card, penned a note or took the time to express how he felt about others. And yet the outflow didn't make a difference on the inflow of how he felt. What if? What if we had the confidence to put our fears aside and truly observe and express how we felt - not your "nobody fucking cares about your pretty food picture" or "nobody fucking cares about your rant" opinions and truly SAW the value in the souls we interact with? How could YOU change the world? How many lives could you lift, elevate and possibly save? I pray we can reverse the trend, develop true confidence in ourselves and others by being the positive, truthful light that makes our world a better place.
Live well. Lead on.
