---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tonight my bride of almost 21 years and I were on a hike when I was stopped in my tracks as we came down the mountain. The brilliant amber color of the grasses in the foreground, the sun setting in the background and the bright oranges in the leaves around us made me pause. I looked at my wife and said "that view never gets old." We sat for a few minutes and just soaked in the beauty before finishing our hike and grabbing dinner.
Every once in a while I have "that moment" where I'm stopped and taken back as I look in the direction of my beautiful wife. I get taken back and am in awe of her beauty. Her look stops me in my tracks and make me pause and awe at her matchless beauty. Like the mountains, trees and sunsets her beauty never gets old.
When we were younger I always loved the way my wife looked. The first time I remember thinking she was "cute" was back in Jr High School. Over time both of our "looks" have changed but I never get tired of looking at her. The question is - is my attraction to her beauty love?
Love is an interesting word in the english language. We use in to describe feeling for spouses, family and chocolate. There really isn't a difference in the word we use even though clearly there is a difference in the meaning of it. How can we truly use the word to that we describe our favorite "thing" to describe the deep emotion we feel toward our children?
I think that love in our society has been strangely defined and segmented with a multitude of partial thoughts. Lust is often mistaken for love. Romantic love is deified and placed on a high pedestal in our modern society. Romeo and Julliet, those two manic, stupid kids are put up as aspirational figures and romantic love is the thing chased by so many. I read once that some scholars believe Shakespere didn't write Romeo and Juliet as an ideal to be mimicked in daily life, but as a parody to show the ridiculous nature of romantic love.
Love can be a very powerful emotion, concept and thought in all areas of life. There are many facets of love. Let's look at a few thoughts around love and some of the most powerful forms of love that we may want to cultivate.
Committed Love
Anyone that has been in any long-term relationship will tell you that romantic love comes and goes and can often be very silly and create many blind spots. Committed love is different. Committed love is a choice. Committed love can often be marked by pausing to preserve...remember, we preserve what we love.
- Pause to Preserve the Past. Great relationships that are full of love have a positive view of the past. Researchers have found that people who have a positive outlook on thier past time together have greater appreciation and love for each other. This doesn't mean a couple won't have challenges, fights, arguments, etc. It does mean that each individual choses committed love and sees the combined history in a positive way - problems are seen as growth opportunities and great moments of joy and happiness shared are all seen in a positive way. As I look back on our 21 years of marriage and over 30 years of "being in love" there is a maturity and deep level of gratitude that has come from looking back at the time we have had together.
- Pause to Preserve Gratitude. Gratitude is one characteristic that has the greatest power over many other areas. By fostering gratitude we become more aware of the good things about those in our sphere of love or our sphere of influence. Daily gratitude helps us keep in perspective the many woderful things in life and keeps perspective of ourselves and others in the positive. Gratitude is a concious choice that fosters committed love.
- Pause to Preserved the Foundation. Trust, honesty and respect are the foundations for all relationships. Love is deepened when we foster the foundation. Showing respect by empathizing, treating others as THEY want to be treated and pausing to listen help to foster a feeling of committed love. Honesty and transparency are important for deep, commited love. Hontesty doesn't always feel good to the other person in the moment, but it does foster trust and committed love in the long run.
Love and Compassion for Self
Compassion is showing love, showing care for the need of self of others. Compassion for self involves self forgiviness, self care, self investment etc. Compassion for yourself creates a foundation for our ability to love and show love to others. Love of self is a foundation on which we can express true love and appreciation for others. Taking care of our needs is important and essential to developing our ability to show love to others.
Compassion for Others
Compassion for others means that we have empathy and treat others as they want to be treated. Compassionate love is fostered as we look to serve others and give positive feedback without the desire for anything in return. Compassionate love is tough because we have to first develop the skill of moving aside our own ego and seeing directly from another's point of view.
Love in Leadership
I believe that any great leader and coach will foster and show love for those they lead and serve. Obviously this love is not romantic or intimate love. The love a leader and coach has for those he or she serves is compassionate in nature. leaders who love have fostered a habit of non-judgement. Coaches who love know that they can't skip the tough conversations because true love as a coach involves the foundation of trust, honesty and respect. Transparancy is crucial to compassionate, leadership love.
Familial Love
Familial love is often the easiest. We see family as those that we are "supposed" to love. The challenge is to ask ourselves how are we showing love to our family, our kids, parents, siblings, etc. and does it match up with what their needs are.
Love is a multi-faceted emotion. There are many more that I won't cover here. I do believe that love is the most powerful force in the world and that, when appropriately fostered can lead to some of the greatest feelings, connections and moments of our lives. Lead on. Love deeply.
Familial Love
Familial love is often the easiest. We see family as those that we are "supposed" to love. The challenge is to ask ourselves how are we showing love to our family, our kids, parents, siblings, etc. and does it match up with what their needs are.
Love is a multi-faceted emotion. There are many more that I won't cover here. I do believe that love is the most powerful force in the world and that, when appropriately fostered can lead to some of the greatest feelings, connections and moments of our lives. Lead on. Love deeply.
