Cutler 2 - Puppet or Powerful?

Not long ago in a conversation we were having dad mentioned that this is the strangest time he’s ever lived in. At 77 he’s never witnessed anything like this pandemic and everything that has come with it. I’m only 44 and I would say I’m with the old man. 

Jump on social media and you see the extreme deviciveness. Sit back and watch and you see two sides talking - both confident they are right. 

Mask, no mask. Trump, Biden. Left, right. Liberal, conservative. 

When the hell did we did we decide to abandon reasonable thought?

When did we decide that our lives were better when we were just shown on social media or the larger news media what our perspective should be?

When did we decide that “truth” was something that could only be seen from one side? 

What happened to our complex minds? What happened to the ability to study and research on our own while having an open perspective that maybe, just maybe we may not be correct? 

And for god’s sake what happened to positivity? 

I’ve lived in fear. I know it well. It sucks. It robbed me of so many wonderful experiences I could have had in life but I CHOSE not to because I CHOSE to live in fear. Chose...not choose. Past tense. 

Fear sucks. It clouds us. It’s a lie. 

The other night at dinner one of my best friends reminded us that one of the most powerful things the devil does is convince us that he is not real. 

Whether you want to see the devil as a person, an idea or an ideal he/it is real. And fear is his tool. 

It’s fear that causes us to end relationships when they become difficult because it may be difficult to admit that, no matter how old we are, or how much experience in life we have we still need to to change and grow. 

It’s fear that whispers in our ears “that’s just who I am” and keeps us from leaning into the discomfort of growth. 

Fear keeps you from reading a book because you may not understand it. 

Fear keeps you from getting in better shape because you may have to give up habits that are present because you are avoiding the emotional baggage you are carrying. 

Fear keeps you from listening to others because they may influence you, and somehow you may not be not completely “right.”

Fear stops you from learning something new because you are too old. 

Fear keeps you from re-inventing yourself.

Fear is every excuse that flows from your mouth. 

Fear makes you anxious. 

Fear causes you to be impulsive rather than calm.

Fear is blocking you from developing your 360 degree thinking. 

Fear is stopping you from opening up in your relationship. 

Fear is causing you to look at all those Insta-accounts because you can’t just be confident in your own growth.

Fear stops you from saying I love you. 

Fear causes you to live a shadow life rather than just being real.

One of the good things that I see with our current society is people are more comfortable with being blunt. 

The problem is, that like most great tools being blunt is being used the wrong way. 

Instead of saying someone else is wrong, someone else is an idiot, someone else isn’t doing this or that - why not have courage and use blunt talk with ourselves?

It’s not someone else’s fault your life sucks - it’s yours. 

It’s not not someone else’s fault the country is divided - it’s ours. 

A few years ago I read a simple book that changed my life. It was all about personal accountability. 

I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve read that book over the subsequent years. 

I’ve also read many others that went deeper on this topic and have practiced and practiced the concept of personal accountability over and over. 

Why?

Because I want to be powerful, not a puppet. 

I refuse to let an idea, a person or an organization determine what my life is and who I am. 

I refuse to let my past become my future. 

I refuse to let any media - social or mass determine my thoughts. 

I refuse to blindly follow. 

I refuse to simply accept.

I refuse to let the negativity of the day dominate me.

I refuse to blame the world, a person or an organization for my life, my feelings or my current state. 

I refuse to listen to the “all or nothing” thinking that is viral in our society.

I refuse to be a puppet.

I refuse to look at the world as two diametrically opposed forces or political power. 

Fear won’t take me. Negativity won’t dominate me. I chose. Will you?

Can you sit and listen, love and respect someone who doesn’t agree with you or that you don’t agree with? 

Can you accept your current weaknesses and work daily to improve them?

Can you see that life is more than just “left” or “right?”

Can you expand your mind and accept that regardless of how important your feel that you still have more to learn, more to develop, more to expand, more to grow, more to progress in?

Are you a puppet or are you powerful? 

Can you think in 3D?

Are you developing your hindsight? 

Are you developing your insight?

Are you growing your foresight? 

Maybe if we stopped acting like a bunch of puppets and focused on developing personal power the world would be better. 

Maybe if we worked on ourselves we wouldn’t be so divided. 

Maybe if we recognized the devil of fear in our lives we would make some progress. 

Maybe we could truly evolve as a people if we started with ourselves. 

Evolve.

Cutler I: Introduction and Evolution

Several years ago I started a blog called “The Leader’s Compass.” At the time I was leading a team of about 250 employees, a leadership team of 12 and was traveling and teaching leadership and management concepts throughout the country. 

Fast forward several years and life has changed. After over 20 years in health and fitness I took a leap and joined forces with two partners in the medical spa industry. A few months ago all of our lives were turned upside down when the virus hit and we were all put into a mandatory quarantine. My lifestyle and life, like  many others changed immensely. No more work (furloughed from my job), no more travel (my job had me traveling every other week), no more social activities, no more gym, no more dinners out, taking the family shopping...everything changed. 

While it was a challenging time...being challenged in ways I had never imagined it was an awesome opportunity to pause, reflect and reimagine what my future could be. 

In my mid-forties now I look back at my life and can see many wonderful opportunities and experiences. Some in my past know me as an artist, some know me as a trainer, a speaker, a leader, a businessman, a father, a friend. While I’ve lived all of these roles and many others I realized during the quarantine that my life has been one large evolution from one state of being, from one role to the next. While I was not “working” I decided it was time to apply a concept my good friend Myles taught me a few years back. It was time to “woodshed.” 

Woodsheding, or going into the woodshed is a term musicians use when they drop off, isolate and just go deep and create. That was what I was going to do I decided. And as I’ve returned to “the workforce” just over a month ago I’m very happy with how my woodshed has helped me identify the next stage of my evolution. 

I realized that while I love to create - write, sketch, paint, talk, etc. my interests are continuing to evolve. My focus is no longer just dominated by concepts related to leadership. I love living well, living a life of purpose, passion and as Sinatra sang a life that is “my way.” 

So, it’s time for a change. From now on my blog is simply titled Cutler. No longer Leader’s Compass. The old posts can still be relevant and helpful and are still available. The new content will cover a variety of topics. Over the years I’ve had many friends and colleagues classify me as a “renaissance man.” The first time I was called that I had no idea what it meant. “You’re like a DaVinci” one friend said, “you love a variety of things and don’t limit yourself or your learning to just one thing.” 

I’m not sure if being a “renaissance man” is an accurate description or not. What I do know is the definition of “not limiting” myself and my learning is true. I love to learn and experience many different things in life. That’s what this blog will evolve into - an expression of and exploration into the many interests that I have and that I have had over the years. Maybe people will read it, maybe not. I can’t say I care that much. Sure, I love making a difference in people’s lives, but my blog is often just a way for me to codify and memorialize beliefs and topics that I’ve found helpful and interesting. 

In the end I guess I’ll end with a line from one of the best bands of all time - “good times, bad times, you know I’ve had my share.” I’m looking forward to having many more and sharing them with you. All my love!

Leader Compass 50: Pause, Reflect, Remember and Start from Strength

In a few days my state will begin opening up parts of the economy. That means some of us will be with friends and family we haven’t been with for over a month.

That means some of us will go back to work at our businesses that were shut down.

Some of us will go to restaurants and eat with our loved ones. 

Some of us will try to create a sense of normalcy that we didn’t have during the #quarantine . 

When I ran track one of the most important things my coaches drilled in my head was the importance of my routine and set up getting into my blocks. I did the same thing every time. I’d shake out one leg, then another, jump up and down and then drop on my knees to get my feet in the blocks. I moved the same, thought the same EVERY time I got in the blocks. It was a crucial ritual to get me ready for when the gun went off and I exploded from my set position.

In the next few days for some and the next few weeks for others the gun will go off and we will “race” to create normalcy in our lives...which I think is kind of sad. The pandemic gave us a challenge. For some it was time to pause and reflect. For other it was a demanding work schedule unlike any they had seen before. Regardless, it challenged us all. 

What if, before we took off and sprinted we took time to pause, reflect and remember to start from a point of strength? 

What did this time teach you? Where are you weak, lacking and challenged? Trust me - there’s GREAT strength in understanding your current weaknesses. That understanding is a position of strength. 

What are you doing different now based on your observations? What strength did you find in yourself? 

Just like you didn’t re-do your entire house, get ripped abs AND learn 10 languages during this quarantine you won’t automatically change once other options become available. Habits, cultivated over time create lasting change. 

What would happen if you paused, reflected, remembered and started the next phase of life from a point of strength...strength that comes only from personal reflection, perspective and passionate pursuit of habits of excellence? 

What if this time became a fulcrum, allowing you to create massive leverage for the rest of your life? What if, when the gun went off you shot out of the blocks stronger because you paused, reflected, remembered and started from strength? 

All my love!

Leader Compass 49: The Power of Habit

One of my favorite books I listened to this month was Atomic Habits by James Clear. While I can't say I was blown away by new information I loved how Clear broke down some of the keys to habit creation. He also discussed the importance of and a simple "how to" break old habits. I would highly recommend the book to anyone wanting to make changes in life in any area. Below are a few of the key takeaways I had that may be of interest to you as well. Some of what Clear wrote I've either read before or have been already practicing and found his instruction as a great refinement to my current processes.

BE, Don't Just Chase
One of the things I've found to be true is to identify not just what goals you want, but to identify who you want to be. A fit person works out regularly. A smart person reads. A kind person practices empathic listening. Habits are better created when we decide not just what we want to accomplish but who we want to be. Below are a few tips on creating YOU:

1. Be Clear. Write out the type of person you want to be. Who do you want to look up to? What qualities does that person have? What habits do they possess? Clearly writing out who you want to be will help you in developing the habits that will mold you into the person you will become. 
2. Determine the Basement. Know what your lowest acceptable standard is. What is the worst you will allow for yourself in your health, your fitness, your relationships, your self talk. How bad is "bad enough" for you to change course. Unless you determine what your basement is others will determine it for you.
3. Write your Scriptures. Many people have found reading religious texts or scriptures to be very powerful at inspiring them to be their best self. Why not write your own script? How will you behave in the face of challenge and adversity? What will you do the next time you don't want to keep your personal commitments? Ultimately I believe that the scripts you write for yourself are more important than anything external you will read. We all live scripts...either the scripts others write or our own. Why not chose your own path and incorporate anything from other sources that inspire you. 
4. Read, Act, Repeat. Integrity means that you are integrated...your thoughts, actions and beliefs are aligned. Once you have written down who you want to be read it regularly, plan your actions accordingly and repeat. Over time the new you will spring forward naturally. 

Start Small
In his book James Clear talks about how you have to create a habit first before you can improve on it. He cites how a client of his committed to a habit of going to and being at the gym for 5 minutes every day. Over time he improved on this habit and spent more time in the gym. Little by little his habit compounded and he lost significant weight. This thought is so simple I felt stupid I hadn't thought of it before relative to some of the habits I wanted to create. I tried it out in two areas and have started to see big changes compound over time. My "2 minute habit" has now led me to a greater wealth of knowledge and skill compounded over several days and weeks.

The 2 Day Rule
One of the rules I adopted from a content creator on YouTube prior to reading the book is The 2 Day Rule. We all know that life gets in the way and sometimes we get so busy it's tough to keep even our strongest habits. The 2 Day Rule states that it's ok to miss a habit in extreme circumstances - but not for 2 days in a row. Once you've missed for 2 days in a row it's easy to get out of the habit.

I've used the 2 Day Rule for quite some time now and it works wonders. Admittedly this means that in order to keep my habits I've shown up at the gym around 11PM to get my workout in when I'm on the road so I can keep my habit going. Try it and I'm sure you'll feel the power of it too!

Conclusion
One of my all time favorite books is Carol Dewick's Mindset. In the book Dewick discusses the difference between a "fixed" and a "growth" mindset. Those who live in the space of a growth mindset are those that consistently create the life they want by managing the "atomic" or small habits of their life. Little by little those small habits compound to create the life you want. Take charge and start moving on your small habits and I'm confident you will have greater personal power 6 months from now! Be a great leader of self...create strong habits...lead on!

Leader Compass 48 - The High Cost of Low Standards

What is the lowest standard you will allow? Have you ever asked yourself this question? What is the lowest standard for health, fitness, work or team performance you are comfortable with? Too often we continue in life without pausing to assess the standards we have.

Low standards are easy to come by. You start with high hopes but little by little, left unchecked your standards lessen and lessen until you are unhappy with our lives and the results we are getting. We lie and say we are "too busy" to count the cost of our low standards and miss out on the success we say we want.

Have you ever allowed one day of not exercising turn into a week, then a month and the next thing you know you now have a new standard of health, weight and fitness? "In shape" turned into "a shape."

Have you ever heard the excuses those you lead and allowed for the low performance to slip once, then twice and before you know it the excuses have now become THE standard?

Perhaps you chose to lie to yourself that "someday" you would accomplish that dream swirling in your mind but your standards were too low and you never planned or took action.

The most difficult reality for you to accept when your standards are low is that where you are right now - in body, health, financial well being, relationships and work/team performance are all a result of your previous choices and your previous standards.

The good news is that you and you alone have the power to improve your future state by raising your standards today and every day moving forward.

You want to see better results right? Raise your standards! Then, guard your standards against their natural born enemy - excuses. Here are a three simple ideas to get you started:

• Don't relent. If someone on your team delivers sub-par performance follow the steps below:
• Listen and empathize. Hear what the other person is saying and empathize with the emotion. "That must have felt difficult. I'm sorry to hear about your challenge."
• Reinforce the standard and build confidence. "As you know I have very high standards and I'm confident you can meet them. Let me reinforce what the goal is so we are on the same page."
• Challenge and inspire. Remind your team that they will feel best and have supreme confidence when they have delivered on your standards. "I'm confident that we can overcome all challenges and achieve the high expectations. Tell me about your plan to achieve the goals we have set out."
• Move, don't think. Far too often we spend time having analysis paralysis. Once you know the direction you are wanting to go move and move quickly to accomplish your goal. Want to lose weight? Go for a walk or head to the gym right now. Don't hunt for "the best way" at the beginning - just start moving. 
• Think small. This may surprise you but having high standards in the little things are crucial to achieving your best life. How dirty will you allow your home or your work space to become before you clean? How detailed and carefully selected is your wardrobe? How intentional are you in your listening to others? Focusing on the small areas of life help you create high standards and easy "wins" that build your confidence in your 

Remember that your personal brand is determined by the amalgamation of your standards. Fortunately and unfortunately (depending on how you think about it) we are all judged at some point by our lowest standard, the lowest performance we allow. 

What life do you want - one of high standards and the results that come with it or your life of excuses and constant pain? What will you do to raise your personal standards and win in life? Don't relent, move fast and think small. Lead on!

Leader Compass 47 - Breaking the Invisible Chains

In his classic work "A Christmas Carol", Charles Dickens wrote of the spirit Jacob Marley, former business partner to Ebeneezer Scrooge who, when visiting Scrooge explained that the chains he wore were those he forged in life. Continuing on Marley explained that Scrooge wears his own chains but that they are invisible to him right now.

Dickens writings are a welcome wake up to us that each day we carry chains we forge in life with our actions, and, like Scrooge we are often unaware of the weight of which these chains drag us down. The challenge we all have is not merely in ridding ourselves of the chains, but first in recognizing that we carry them!

Our invisible chains are forged by habits and patterns that appear in our everyday life. They are the chains we forge in times of stress and/or intense focus. Motivational guru and speaker Anthony Robbins warns people to "be careful" of what they focus on when they are in a peak (high emotional) state. The focus, good or bad will either forge another link in the invisible chain or can lead to breaking the chain and liberating us from it's weight.

Peak emotional states are both negative and positive. A peak state of sadness alters our nervous system and we begin to feel emotion in a very unique and deep way. Joy, on the other end is the same. This peak state alters our nervous system and heightens our experience in the moment. What we focus on during each state links things (thoughts, moments, people, bias etc) to that peak state. Left unchecked these linkages lead to an unconscious pattern we begin to repeat over and over again. Left unchecked over time the patterns and habits become part of our character. Left unchecked even further and we become deeply self deceived. That belief, turned habit, turned character is now "me" in the self-deceived mind.

Once in this great state of self deception we continue to feed what researcher and author Carol DeWick describes in her book Mindset as a "fixed mindset." Once we are in a fixed mindset we have become like Scrooge...carrying the chains that are invisible to us but weigh us down with great force.

Over the years I've spent countless hours coaching people who were currently in a fixed mindset helping them to break through to the opposite, what DeWick calls a growth mindset. To do this we need to first become aware of the patterns and habits that lock us down and add another link in the invisible chain. Getting started is simple. The work, however is a bit more difficult as it requires some "heavy lifting" emotionally.

To start you need to identify your chains and begin by asking yourself a few questions:

• What is the most important thing you are avoiding right now? 
• What is the most important thing you consistently avoid?
• What is your biggest fear right now?
• How does your nervous system respond to that fear? What are the physical sensations, markers and "tells" that help you know you are feeling fear.? 
• What are your coping mechanisms when you feel fear? What lies do you tell yourself? How do you distract yourself from the fear?
• Now that you have recognized what fear feels like in your body ask yourself when you feel that fear. What situations trigger your fear? When is the fear the most intense? How do you know?
• Finally - what patterns are no longer serving you? What habits have you adopted to respond to fear that are keeping you chained and shackled? 

At this point it's important to recognize the power of a growth mindset. Simply put a growth mindset means that you believe you can achieve and succeed through the right effort and hard work. You are not "smart" or "good" or "bad." Those labels, or the litany of labels you use "fix" you to something and don't allow you to grow. Let me explain further.

When I was younger I was given a fixed mindset by many well intended people. I was told that I was a good artist. While this fixed mindset made me feel good for a short time it became, like all fixed mindsets - a drug that I needed more and more. Like all fixed mindsets when I wasn't creating "good" art I responded like we all do - fight, flight or freeze. When I asked for feedback about a sketch that didn't match up with my "good artist" fixed mindset I would feel upset and either argue with the professor or argue with them in my mind (fight). At times I would stop drawing or painting if things weren't going the way I wanted (flight). When, in an art class my work was critiqued by the teacher or other students and I was pushed to improve I would go silent (freeze). 

As I got older I realized that the fixed mindset I adopted was no longer serving me. Instead of this mindset I adopted a growth mindset and began breaking my invisible chains. Knowing that if I wanted to create a great painting, craft something, build a table or planter box, or simply sketch something that I valued I would have to work at it. Through my hard work I achieve what I want and don't have any need for the fixed mindset I held onto for so many years. The "failures" or different "iterations" are great learning moments for me that push me toward the next steps. 

Finding out what our chains are can be difficult and painful. We have to open up our eyes and become aware of deeply held patterns and beliefs. It can be fearful just thinking about this process, let alone undertaking it. Happily, the process provides its own rewards as we discover the chains. Sometimes the chains are broken simply through awareness. Often, however we need some work to break the old patterns and create new ones.

My challenge to you it dig in. Don't be afraid to call yourself out. As I've said to many a coaching client "once you start to think you are 'the shit' you're probably already smelling like it. Live an examined life by detailing and documenting your current fixed mindset chains. Burn down the old patterns and break the invisible chains by recognizing where you are holding yourself back. I can promise you that a strong sense of confidence and contentment will abide with you when you do. 

Live well and lead on. 

Leader Compass 46 - What is Love?

Happy Valentine's Day! I began writing this post months ago and then never published it because I didn't think it matched with the tone of this blog. But, today I'm feeling a bit sentimental. Love is the driving force for all great men and women and I thought, what the hell...I'm posting it anyway. It's my blog and so I'm putting it out there. Enjoy...or don't..either way I'm not sure I care. Love is powerful and is the key, from my point of view in all things. Leadership, life, relationships, business...you protect and grow what you love. Below are a few of my thoughts. 

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Tonight my bride of almost 21 years and I were on a hike when I was stopped in my tracks as we came down the mountain. The brilliant amber color of the grasses in the foreground, the sun setting in the background and the bright oranges in the leaves around us made me pause. I looked at my wife and said "that view never gets old." We sat for a few minutes and just soaked in the beauty before finishing our hike and grabbing dinner.

Every once in a while I have "that moment" where I'm stopped and taken back as I look in the direction of my beautiful wife. I get taken back and am in awe of her beauty. Her look stops me in my tracks and make me pause and awe at her matchless beauty. Like the mountains, trees and sunsets her beauty never gets old. 

When we were younger I always loved the way my wife looked. The first time I remember thinking she was "cute" was back in Jr High School. Over time both of our "looks" have changed but I never get tired of looking at her. The question is - is my attraction to her beauty love? 

Love is an interesting word in the english language. We use in to describe feeling for spouses, family and chocolate. There really isn't a difference in the word we use even though clearly there is a difference in the meaning of it. How can we truly use the word to that we describe our favorite "thing" to describe the deep emotion we feel toward our children?  

I think that love in our society has been strangely defined and segmented with a multitude of partial thoughts. Lust is often mistaken for love. Romantic love is deified and placed on a high pedestal in our modern society. Romeo and Julliet, those two manic, stupid kids are put up as aspirational figures and romantic love is the thing chased by so many. I read once that some scholars believe Shakespere didn't write Romeo and Juliet as an ideal to be mimicked in daily life, but as a parody to show the ridiculous nature of romantic love. 

Love can be a very powerful emotion, concept and thought in all areas of life. There are many facets of love. Let's look at a few thoughts around love and some of the most powerful forms of love that we may want to cultivate.

Committed Love 

Anyone that has been in any long-term relationship will tell you that romantic love comes and goes and can often be very silly and create many blind spots. Committed love is different. Committed love is a choice. Committed love can often be marked by pausing to preserve...remember, we preserve what we love. 

- Pause to Preserve the Past. Great relationships that are full of love have a positive view of the past. Researchers have found that people who have a positive outlook on thier past time together have greater appreciation and love for each other. This doesn't mean a couple won't have challenges, fights, arguments, etc. It does mean that each individual choses committed love and sees the combined history in a positive way - problems are seen as growth opportunities and great moments of joy and happiness shared are all seen in a positive way. As I look back on our 21 years of marriage and over 30 years of "being in love" there is a maturity and deep level of gratitude that has come from looking back at the time we have had together. 

- Pause to Preserve Gratitude. Gratitude is one characteristic that has the greatest power over many other areas. By fostering gratitude we become more aware of the good things about those in our sphere of love or our sphere of influence. Daily gratitude helps us keep in perspective the many woderful things in life and keeps perspective of ourselves and others in the positive. Gratitude is a concious choice that fosters committed love. 

- Pause to Preserved the Foundation. Trust, honesty and respect are the foundations for all relationships. Love is deepened when we foster the foundation. Showing respect by empathizing, treating others as THEY want to be treated and pausing to listen help to foster a feeling of committed love. Honesty and transparency are important for deep, commited love. Hontesty doesn't always feel good to the other person in the moment, but it does foster trust and committed love in the long run.

Love and Compassion for Self 

Compassion is showing love, showing care for the need of self of others. Compassion for self involves self forgiviness, self care, self investment etc. Compassion for yourself creates a foundation for our ability to love and show love to others. Love of self is a foundation on which we can express true love and appreciation for others. Taking care of our needs is important and essential to developing our ability to show love to others.  

Compassion for Others

Compassion for others means that we have empathy and treat others as they want to be treated. Compassionate love is fostered as we look to serve others and give positive feedback without the desire for anything in return. Compassionate love is tough because we have to first develop the skill of moving aside our own ego and seeing directly from another's point of view.   

Love in Leadership

I believe that any great leader and coach will foster and show love for those they lead and serve. Obviously this love is not romantic or intimate love. The love a leader and coach has for those he or she serves is compassionate in nature. leaders who love have fostered a habit of non-judgement. Coaches who love know that they can't skip the tough conversations because true love as a coach involves the foundation of trust, honesty and respect. Transparancy is crucial to compassionate, leadership love.

Familial Love
Familial love is often the easiest. We see family as those that we are "supposed" to love. The challenge is to ask ourselves how are we showing love to our family, our kids, parents, siblings, etc. and does it match up with what their needs are.

Love is a multi-faceted emotion. There are many more that I won't cover here. I do believe that love is the most powerful force in the world and that, when appropriately fostered can lead to some of the greatest feelings, connections and moments of our lives. Lead on. Love deeply.