Dickens writings are a welcome wake up to us that each day we carry chains we forge in life with our actions, and, like Scrooge we are often unaware of the weight of which these chains drag us down. The challenge we all have is not merely in ridding ourselves of the chains, but first in recognizing that we carry them!
Our invisible chains are forged by habits and patterns that appear in our everyday life. They are the chains we forge in times of stress and/or intense focus. Motivational guru and speaker Anthony Robbins warns people to "be careful" of what they focus on when they are in a peak (high emotional) state. The focus, good or bad will either forge another link in the invisible chain or can lead to breaking the chain and liberating us from it's weight.
Peak emotional states are both negative and positive. A peak state of sadness alters our nervous system and we begin to feel emotion in a very unique and deep way. Joy, on the other end is the same. This peak state alters our nervous system and heightens our experience in the moment. What we focus on during each state links things (thoughts, moments, people, bias etc) to that peak state. Left unchecked these linkages lead to an unconscious pattern we begin to repeat over and over again. Left unchecked over time the patterns and habits become part of our character. Left unchecked even further and we become deeply self deceived. That belief, turned habit, turned character is now "me" in the self-deceived mind.
Once in this great state of self deception we continue to feed what researcher and author Carol DeWick describes in her book Mindset as a "fixed mindset." Once we are in a fixed mindset we have become like Scrooge...carrying the chains that are invisible to us but weigh us down with great force.
Over the years I've spent countless hours coaching people who were currently in a fixed mindset helping them to break through to the opposite, what DeWick calls a growth mindset. To do this we need to first become aware of the patterns and habits that lock us down and add another link in the invisible chain. Getting started is simple. The work, however is a bit more difficult as it requires some "heavy lifting" emotionally.
To start you need to identify your chains and begin by asking yourself a few questions:
- What is the most important thing you are avoiding right now?
- What is the most important thing you consistently avoid?
- What is your biggest fear right now?
- How does your nervous system respond to that fear? What are the physical sensations, markers and "tells" that help you know you are feeling fear.?
- What are your coping mechanisms when you feel fear? What lies do you tell yourself? How do you distract yourself from the fear?
- Now that you have recognized what fear feels like in your body ask yourself when you feel that fear. What situations trigger your fear? When is the fear the most intense? How do you know?
- Finally - what patterns are no longer serving you? What habits have you adopted to respond to fear that are keeping you chained and shackled?
At this point it's important to recognize the power of a growth mindset. Simply put a growth mindset means that you believe you can achieve and succeed through the right effort and hard work. You are not "smart" or "good" or "bad." Those labels, or the litany of labels you use "fix" you to something and don't allow you to grow. Let me explain further.
When I was younger I was given a fixed mindset by many well intended people. I was told that I was a good artist. While this fixed mindset made me feel good for a short time it became, like all fixed mindsets - a drug that I needed more and more. Like all fixed mindsets when I wasn't creating "good" art I responded like we all do - fight, flight or freeze. When I asked for feedback about a sketch that didn't match up with my "good artist" fixed mindset I would feel upset and either argue with the professor or argue with them in my mind (fight). At times I would stop drawing or painting if things weren't going the way I wanted (flight). When, in an art class my work was critiqued by the teacher or other students and I was pushed to improve I would go silent (freeze).
As I got older I realized that the fixed mindset I adopted was no longer serving me. Instead of this mindset I adopted a growth mindset and began breaking my invisible chains. Knowing that if I wanted to create a great painting, craft something, build a table or planter box, or simply sketch something that I valued I would have to work at it. Through my hard work I achieve what I want and don't have any need for the fixed mindset I held onto for so many years. The "failures" or different "iterations" are great learning moments for me that push me toward the next steps.
Finding out what our chains are can be difficult and painful. We have to open up our eyes and become aware of deeply held patterns and beliefs. It can be fearful just thinking about this process, let alone undertaking it. Happily, the process provides its own rewards as we discover the chains. Sometimes the chains are broken simply through awareness. Often, however we need some work to break the old patterns and create new ones.
My challenge to you it dig in. Don't be afraid to call yourself out. As I've said to many a coaching client "once you start to think you are 'the shit' you're probably already smelling like it. Live an examined life by detailing and documenting your current fixed mindset chains. Burn down the old patterns and break the invisible chains by recognizing where you are holding yourself back. I can promise you that a strong sense of confidence and contentment will abide with you when you do.
Live well and lead on.
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