Leader's Compass 37 - Never Give Up

Failure is an interesting concept. It's not the same as losing. Losing happens all the time. In a football game the clock runs out and there is a winning team and a losing team. Failure however has an element to it that is in our control. We don't fail when we lose. We don't fail when we stumble. We don't fail when we fall, mess up, make a mistake or even make a bad decision. We fail when we give up.

Fear is one of our most basic emotions. We all feel fear for one reason or another. Fear is what can paralyze us from action if we let it. Fear has many disguises, many false faces. Often it is fear that leads us to fail because we determine that our loses will continue to be loses and we stop trying.

A Death by a Thousand Cuts
The coward fear, rarely comes at us all at once and in bold ways. Like all cowards fear tries to get us by creating "death by a thousand cuts."

"You can't do that." "That's silly." "It's not that important anyway." "I don't need to be that bold, that strong, I can get by with just doing what I've been doing."  

Fear tries to get us to not take action when the better part of us knows that actions both big and small can eventually lead to our success. 

The Clock

Fear, the coward tries to get us to quit when we fall, make a mistake, bad decision or have an action, project or venture that falls flat. Fortunately, however life is not like a football game...it's an entire season of games and we can restart any time we need. The clock doesn't run out as often as we think it does. When the clock does run out we are empowered to begin another game. We have the ability to look at a loss and start again. Until we are six feet under we have the opportunity to get moving and try again. The season is over when we sing our last breath and our heart plays it's last beat. 

Awareness

Failure happens in life far too often because we lack awareness in one or both areas:

• Self Awareness
• Social Awareness

Lack of self awareness can cause us to ring the bell early, call it quits before our time is up or simply talk ourselves into inaction. As Polonius said in Shakespere's Hamlet:

"This above all: to thine own self be true

And it must follow, as the night the day

Thou canst not then be false to any man."

When we are self aware we understand that the constant voice of the coward fear will be in our head, yet we need not heed his hideous words. Too often we believe the self doubt, the self effacing, the self sabotaging thoughts and act in ways according to fear's false message.

Social awareness, our ability to be aware of our social settings, how people feel, what they need and how they are thinking is another essential key to quieting fear's fretful message. Lack of social awareness leads us to gauge our life off of a ghost - the ever elusive target of "others" and what they think or may think. 

Show Up

Success comes only through one way - work. Some may argue or debate this. "But what about the person that wins the lottery?" "What about the lucky?" What about those that are born with greater privilege, more money, better looks, more talent?" It's true that some come easily into perceived success - money, fame, etc. with less effort than others. Some won the "looks lottery," the "talent lottery," or a number of other lotteries. However, winning something that you didn't work for can never really been seen as success. Did you know that most people who win a financial lottery are broke within just a few short years? How is this success when the prize flees so soon and the receiver of the reward has not developed the skills necessary to replicate the results?

Showing up means doing the work, whatever the work because:

1. Doing the work develops you into a better, more skilled person
2. Doing the work forces you to face and confront your fears and doubts
3. Doing the work can, by the nature of doing it with focus can lead to a flow state, a state that is inherently self rewarding
4. Doing the work in the long run feels so much better than the lies we tell ourselves for not doing the work

The other day a good friend had a family member pass away. When we told him that he didn't need to come to a work event where he is typically the central figure he responded "Brett Farve played the day after his dad died. It's rough, but I'll be there. The group is counting on me" And he was. Not only was he there physically but he showed up mentally and delivered his best. He showed up, he worked with focus and intent and made a significant impact on those that were in attendance.

The Process is the Reward

Talk to any "successful" person and they will tell you that there is much more joy in the journey than in the actual destination. The process of work and striving is, if done consistently the reward. Anything that makes you stronger, better, more skilled and more focused becomes the inherent reward for the work we put in. 

Remember that in life you and you alone determine whether or not you have failed. Haven't achieved your goal yet...join the club. Not quite where you want to be? Good. Keep going. until you decide that the bell has rung, the clock has run out and the game is over you haven't truly failed. Refocus, reevaluate and don't retire until you win. Cheers to your journey! Lead on!