Leader's Compass 19 - Oink Oink...Welcome To Pig Nation

"Dressing well is a form of good manners." 

- Tom Ford

Today's post is less about management, less about leadership and more about observation and a call to action.

When did it become socially acceptable to go out in slippers and pajamas? When did we stop holding doors for others? When did it become ok to ignore the person sitting across from us in a business meeting, table, desk or any other setting to stare at an electronic screen? When did ignoring someone who smiles and says hello become the norm? When did we collectively decide to dress down, talk down and look down?

At my business I instituted a rule several years ago that no employee can be on their cell phone in front of a guest. Walking in the hallway? No cell phone. In your department where members and guests are present? No cell phone. They can get on thier phones on break in our cafe or in two other designated areas. I'm shocked at the pushback I get on this simple request for people to have a heads up approach to service. Smile, say hello, engage our members, our guests in conversation rather than stare at that little screen that you are so addicted to. 

Parents of America our children are declining into a nation of selfish pigs. They can't see that when thier head is down they don't see the faces in front of them. They don't see that talking down to others and criticism only reflect thier own lack of SELF respect. They won't see that when they dress down their sloppy dress sends an indelible message to thier own mind that sloppy work, sloppy words and an inconsiderate life are ok. Unfortunately these problems are not unique to the young...they are learning it from us.

A very good friend of mine made an observation years ago that I have seen manifested more and more as we have slid down into pig nation. When describing his son who would eventually take over his business he said "Logan is great with people. He listens, is kind and is able get along well with a wide variety of people. That will be his ultimate key to success. Anyone with great people skills will be successful, but I'm afraid these skills are becoming more and more rare." We discussed then and many times afterward the decline of "people skills" in our society. Skills like listening, speaking, writing, conflict resolution and simple kindness are in decline as we continue to dress down, talk down and look down. 

I get great amusement when I meet fully grown adult pigs - the CEOs, Presidents, Vice Presidents and so on who think that their title actually means that they are excused from good manners. Legends in thier own mind they seem to believe that we, those around then actually care what is on thier business card, thier letter head and under thier e-mail signature. I'm sorry sir, your poor manners are not excused just because you think you are important. You CAN be a CEO and an asshole at the same time, and you are proving so right now with your inconsiderate ways. As I tell my leadership group regularly, your title only means you have a greater responsibility to work, to lead and to contribute because once you start to think "you are the shit" you're going to start to smell like it.

It's time we took action. It's time we go back to the basics. It's time we stop being pathetic and live to our potential. It's time we stop dressing down. It's time we stop talking down to others. It's time we stop looking down at our e-devices when another human being is in the room. This post is an invitation to those who chose to take on titles - mothers, fathers, managers, leaders, husbands, wives, boyfriends, girlfriends and friends to stop the habits of the pig nation and rise up to a higher level. It's time to make a movement. Let's get together and do the following:

1. Dress up. I'm not suggesting we wear tuxedos and formal dresses to work every day. How we dress, however sends a message to our mind telling it how to behave. Dressing sloppily tells the brain to behave sloppily. Dress your expression of manners, your expression of artistic passion, your expression of self respect, based on your values, not someone else's. 

2. Talk up. Gossip, criticism, cyber bullying...all forms of self expression of your poor self esteem. See the good in others and tell them. It's so simple and you will feel so much better. Weak minds gather like pigs to wallow in the mud of gossip. Step up. Talk others up. Don't flatter. Sincerely compliment. Otherwise keep your low self esteem to yourself.

3. Look up. The world is full of beauty. Beautiful people, beautiful scenery, beautiful thigs are all around. There is a fundamental difference on an ethereal and spiritual level when you connect to the beauty around you rather than burying your eyes in your phone. Smile. Say hi, please, thank you, yes mamm, no sir. The world needs your manners as an example. And finally...

4. Kindly call out bad manners. I recently sat with a woman who, from my assessment didn't realize how rude, how combative she was on a regular basis. We talked and I kindly asked if perhaps the history of major conflict that surrounded her may be coming from her habit of defensiveness, rather than a habit of receptivity. After pondering she admitted that it most likely did. No one had pointed it out to her before in a caring manner. I'd love to report that she has dramatically changed the habit but you and I both know that habit is a tough thing to break, retrain and cultivate it's replacement. I'm confident over time she will make the habit change. Silence can be a form of agreement. Not always, but often. Calling out bad manners in a non-critical, kind and non-combative way can help us as a society create the awareness needed to stop the bad habits while cultivating the good.

When did it become socially acceptable to go out in slippers and pajamas? When did we stop holding doors for others? When did it become ok to ignore the person sitting across from us in a business meeting, table, desk or any other setting to stare at an electronic screen? When did ignoring someone who smiles and says hello become the norm? When did we collectively decide to dress down, talk down and look down? 

It happened when we woke and chose to allow it in our life. When we chose to allow it in the lives of those in our life. I hope collectively we can work together to dig out of our pig nation and return to greatness. As Jesus of Nazareth once said - "he that is the greatest is the least, and the servant of all." Here's to a return of good manners.

***Thank you for reading my blog. Please leave me your thoughts and share the blog with others. On my death bed I want to be able to say I helped millions of people in some small way. Sharing my blog will help me reach this goal. Thank you for your help.***

Leader's Compass 18 - The Damming Power of Labels

"He's such a jerk!" 

"What a slut!" 

"I'm fat!" 

"He's so gay!"

"Oh she is sooo stupid! Can you believe how stupid she is?" 

"That guy is a piece of shit!" 

"Can you believe that broad just cut me off?!"

"I'm gonna go tell that SOB what I think of him. He's such a conceited prick!"

Offensive? Should be. For many, however it's just part of the daily vernacular. For all, however the power of labeling can cause serious problems in life and relationships.

"What's in a name?" Shakespeare asked. More than we initially imagine. A name, a label has power to change us, dam us, progress us or stop us. Labels cause fights, wars, and divorces. Labels are lived up to, whether true or not. Labels express ignorance, bigotry, racism, sexism, intolerance and hate. Let's take a look a little deeper at the power of a label. Travel with me on a couple of thought experiments and experience the power of labels.

"I'm fat." Two words, sometimes translated into "I'm thick," "I'm gross," "ugh" or a number of other cutting labels can have a powerful effect on the mind. Let's try the experiment. What, in you estimation, would a person who chooses this label DO in there life? How would a self-labeled "fat" person think about thier body, food, excercise, movement, physical intimacy or trying new physical activities? We all live up to the labels we chose, either for ourselves or for others. What, then, would the "fat" person do? How would they live? And how, if they wanted to lose some of the fat on thier body would they proceed to do do so? What self-sabotaging behaviors would the "fat" person adopt in order to maintain thier chosen label?

"That guy is a jerk!" Why do we use labels? Simply put it is easier to just objectify another person by labeling them. By labeling another person we can very neatly categorize them and place them in a box on the shelf with the rest of our "things." He is not a person, a human being with needs, wants, feelings, strengths and weaknesses JUST LIKE ME, he is an object - a jerk. By objectifying others we make it easier to live in a world we create with "good guys" and "bad guys." Holy, righteous, sinners, saints, good, bad, winners, losers...the labels are endless, and we - the god, the judge and jury of our world chose who wins, and who loses.

What happens in our mind to "the jerk" once we've labeled him? How do we respond to him? How do we treat him? Is he easily dismissed because we have objectified him by slapping on the label? How do we talk about him to others? Over time, what does the power of our gossip do to "the jerk?" Our judgement, left unchecked can cause a tidal wave of consequences for a person who maybe was just having a bad day, or, who is just misunderstood, less than appropriately loved, or less than skilled in handling tough situations. Regardless, our label won't allow for humanity in others. The label has to be proven right, the expectation has to be fulfilled. 

Think, for a moment about the common labels you use to describe yourself. Are there some that are damming you? Are some stopping your progress? Are some making you stuck? Do you have labels that keep you from progressing because, no matter what you try you can't outrun the label you have stuck in your head? 

What about the opposite? Are there some labels you use that empower you? Have you labeled yourself with some labels that allow for compassion, confidence and clear thinking? What labels are more mature, empowering and progress provoking?

Now look outward. What labels have you thrown out there on others. Worse yet - which labels have you  perpetuated through gossip. Gossip is nothing more and nothing less than pathetic conversation from an insecure soul seeking to divert attention of thier own weakness. In doing so the sad soul receives a short shot of false self assurance from a skewed perspective, because "at least they aren't as bad as THAT person." The lie doesn't last and the gossiper continues to gossip rather than build a stronger soul foundation. The soul is starving and they need a constant "fix," a consistent "high" from the gossip drug.

Labels are everywhere. They help define how we view the world. They are powerful and can be very damaging when used to describe people. Labels can pull people together or tear them apart. Labels can personally push us forward or pull us back. We should use caution and care when labeling ourselves and others. What's in a name? Everything! Chose wisely.

***Thanks everyone for reading. I would love to hear your comments. Please leave your comments below and don't forget to follow and share the blog!***

Leader's Compass 17 - Invictus - I Am The Master Of My Fate

Invictus is Latin for "undefeated." In 1875 25 year old William Earnest Henley penned the poem Invictus from his hospital bed. Doctors removed his lower leg due to tubuculosis in an effort to save Henley's life. The following poem was his response to his life challenges.

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole

I thank whatever gods may be

For the unconquerable soul

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud,

Under the bludgeoning of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years 

Finds, and shall find me, unafraid

It matters not how straight the gait

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul

Three feet from gold, as the old story goes is how close many get before they stop digging and give up. Forget that great accomplishments were never had except for great work, determined focus and consistent driving.

Recently I observed a man give up in an area where he could have created a monopoly doing what he loved most. Over a slightly short period of time his pursuits would have yielded great results, but, in his eyes "they weren't happening fast enough." He gave up, quit and "moved on" giving up great potential stability, satisfaction and wealth. He was, by his choice, defeated. Impatience breeds impotence. Impotence is truly that - a lack of potency, or, in other words a lack of power.

As a student of life, leadership, business, finance and fulfillment I have seen impatience rob so many of the wealth that comes with time and effort. "Spending" before acquiring in any area of life is a hallmark of impatience and impotence. Wealth in any area - emotional maturity, knowledge, wisdom, relationships, finances, take time to build. Patience breeds power. Persistence brings potency. Passion births performance.

I love that the title of Henley's poem means undefeated. In the final two lines he describes why. "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul." Defeat is determined by us, individually when we give up, throw in the towel and divorce our current pursuit. As the master of fate and captain of soul each of us chooses defeat or victory because, until the reaper takes us from the earth, WE determine the game clock. Haven't achieved victory yet? Not dead? Good...extend your timeline, change your approach, adapt, adjust and stay the course. 

You are the master of your fate. You are the captain of your soul. Do yourself a favor this year. Don't write out resolutions. Determine the power of your soul by deciding what you WILL create. Decide and then commit. Weak minds write resolutions. Strong minds use resolve as it's intended purpose - as an action word. Resolve. Commit to your definition of success and move forward. BE the master of your fate. BE the captain of your soul. BE invictus.

***Thank you for reading. Please follow the blog and leave your thoughts below.***

Leader's Compass 16 - High Five! - 5 Things Successful People Habitually Do

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost

Many years ago I learned that success and failure both have one thing in common - they leave traces, lessons and patterns for us to learn from and, if we chose, to follow. Here are five things that successful people habitually do.

1. They do no unnecessary harm. Driving your car emits toxins into the environment. The food you eat was brought to the store by trucks that pollute the environment even more. Living a bold life can agitate and/or offend some. 

Harm is done daily no matter what we do. Successful people, however live an examined life to see how their actions can negatively affect others, the environment and the economy they live in. Their first mantra is to limit the suffering and harm. This isn't done by hiding away your talents, not driving your car or even by being an over-analyzer. Successful people simply take inventory of their life regularly and reduce the things that unnecessarily harm others.

2. They build lasting wealth physically and financially. Successful people learn how to discipline their movement, food intake and spending to build lasting wealth. 

You won't find successful people changing their diet and going on a "workout craze!" They don't let the pendulum swing to over-save and then back to over-spend. They work daily in each area to build just a little more wealth. Over time their efforts snowball and physical and financial wealth builds up.

3. They commit. Successful people make commitments, not resolutions. It's a well known fact statistically and from our own personal histories that making a resolution - like a New Years resolution doesn't work. Success comes from commitment. You want a better body? Commit to working out at a certain time every day. Your body will come. You want more money? Commit to learning more skill, saving more and investing what you have. 

Listen to the way successful people talk. They talk about how they "will" do something - not how they "want" to do something. To solidify this concept in your mind make a personal commitment to change something in your life. Better relationship? Better body? Better personal economy? What do you want? Decide and then go to www.commitmentday.com to join the movement to change January 1st from "New Year's Day" to "Commitment Day." Together we can commit to a better life, a better country and more personal accountability in our society. Successful people commit.

4. They do not let fear of failure paralyze them into inaction. Successful people know that they will make mistakes. They know that failure is just a road marker on the path toward success. They know that the only way they will truly fail is through inaction - either stopping before trying because of fear, or stopping when they have fallen because of fear and embarrassment. 

5. Successful people consistently work to master skill in life. Skill brings happiness. Think about it for a moment. The challenges you have in life are mitigated and happiness is elevated when you have the skill to handle them. 

The person with poor communication skills - poor listening, poor restate, poor empathy skills will have a difficult time in relationships. Those who have developed the skills needed to listen, speak and resolve conflict have happier and more successful lives.

Skilled money managers have less stress financially and are happier in their personal economy. Skilled workers do the job well, with focus, ease and a certain spretzzatura. They enjoy their jobs more.

In the end successful people know that the five things listed above are not one-time events. Successful people aren't looking to hit the relationship lottery, they housing lottery, the financial lottery or the happiness lottery. They create, foster and nurture habits that make them successful. Successful people do no unnecessary harm, they build lasting physical and financial wealth, they regularly commit to a course of action in life, they do not let fear of failure paralyze them into inaction and finally they work to master skill in each area of life. 

Successful people don't have a magic pill or better genetics. They, like you and I chose their life daily. They see the patterns and traces left by others and they follow the path that leads them where they want to go. Which road will you take?

***Thank you for reading. Please follow the blog and leave your thoughts below.***

Leader's Compass 15 - Learn YOUR Language First...Keys to Effective Personal Growth

The other day my wife and I sat in the office of the counselor at our daughter's middle school to discuss college plans and what she would need to do in high school to prepare for those plans. Afterward we both commented to each other how impressed we were with the detail and precision of the process. "Wow," my wife commented "WE never had anything like that when we were younger."

What could have or would have happened if we had the opportunity to sit and discuss future plans and how our actions then affected our future? Too tough to tell, but a very interesting thought nonetheless.

I'll admit that when I was younger I was a horrible student in my formal education. My free-thinking, creative and questioning mind got me into several debates with teachers. Each quarter and semester we were not only given letter grades for performance, but also citizenship grades for behavior. "U" or "unsatisfactory" and "N" for "needs improvement" were the two most common on my report cards. I doubt that there are many of my teachers that have a picture of me on their wall with fond memories in their mind. Such are the mistakes of a creative youth.

As I matured in life I leaned that one of the biggest challenges I had was that I didn't understand my learning style. As a visually dominant artist I struggled to sit and listen to my high school teachers lecture. As a practical, analytical mind I struggled to retain knowledge that didn't fit into the larger world and the only "practical" answer when asked "how does this apply to life" was "shut up, you'll need it when you're older." As you can imagine that answer never sat well with me and the debate was on.

Over time I learned that in order for me to learn concepts, ideas and skills I need to be effective in life I needed to first learn what made me tick and how I learned best. I made it my personal mission to figure this out. I read books, took tests and tried several approaches. Through the combination of all the personality, learning style tests, assessments and trial and error I found the approach that worked best for me. Meyers Briggs, Color Code, Love Language, basic psychology, you name it, I studied and tried it.

With effort, through study, trial and error I have essentially "learned my language." I now know well what works for me and how I need to learn in order to maximize retention and improve skill.

Investing time into understanding your basic patterns can pay great dividends in the long run. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

1. Once you've found out what your language is don't keep trying to reinvent the wheel. Find what works and stick with it.

2. Realize that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to learn. What works for you is the real "right" way.

3. Invest time into taking assessments, tests and evaluations to get a comprehensive look at your individual language. Your personal tapestry of talent, knowledge and skill will become more prevalent with study, practice and time.

4. Above all utilize the scientific method and truly test out the theories on yourself. Not every assessment will peg you perfectly. Experiment. Test them out. Be bold and don't be afraid to try new ideas.

Recently I saw a video where legendary investor Charlie Munger complimented his business partner Warren Buffett by saying "that in many ways Warren has become a better student with age." He and Buffett both contribute their wealth to their love of lifelong learning. Two men who know their language are also two very financially successful men.

Before you can create success in finance, business or relationships you need to first learn what makes you tick. How do you work best? You may not have had all the tools and resources available as our children at a young age. But, you do have those resources now. The school of life is always in session. What excites me most about this school is I really don't mind getting those "unsatisfactory" citizenship grades anymore. Learn your language and you will be able to lead others better. Learn on, lead on.

***Thank you for reading. Please follow the blog and leave your thoughts below.***

Leadership Defined - The Two Things That Define a Leader

We could all take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to the critics.

Recently the world lost a great leader in former South African President Nelson Mandela. Following the report of his death articles and posts about his life have have been plentiful and polarized. Uninformed about his early life many were shocked to hear that this powerful leader was once classified as an angry "terrorist." The Wall Street Journal posted an article with the following quote:

"Mandela was an extraordinary man," said Carlos Alberto Montaner, a Cuban based in Miami. "You can't judge him by the friends he had. You have to judge him by the incredible things he did. He went into prison as an angry Lenin, and came out as a sensible and peaceful Gandhi."

Leaders are not born, they are created. No other life can embody this concept than the life of this great former president. Leaders are not born, they are created. This is because at the heart of it a leader is a leader because of two things - who they are (character) and what they do (action and skill). Whether you lead a few - a small family as a mother or lead many - as the president of a nation you are defined by these two parts - who you are and what you do.

Character is something developed over time. Our character is based on concepts we learn early in life. Humility, loyalty, empathy, pro activity, compassion...all character traits are developed over time, literally over a life time. Think back to a time when, as a child you did something you knew was wrong and when confronted by a parent, teacher or other authority figure you lied to get out of taking responsibility. We all did it. In fact we still do it until, over time we condition ourselves toward the character traits of honesty and personal accountability (for more on this subject read the book QBQ...you might be shocked at how often you make excuses for your life). 

As Mandela's life exhibited character traits take time, perspective and conditioning to stick and become habitual. Be persistent and be patient. Those who have lived a long life will tell you that we all have our personal character battles and the key is to never give up.

Now to the doing part. Leaders are leaders not just because of who they are. Leaders are leaders because of what they do. They work hard. They develop skill. They persist and master their craft. They practice speaking, listening, studying. They practice, practice practice. They work hard and DO the things a leader should do. There is a catch though. Leaders are guided by an internal compass and don't sway left or right based on public opinion. "Why is he doing that?" "I heard she said this." Comments from others are viewed as just that - comments from others. The leader moves with conviction, vision and passion to DO what needs to be done, not to actively alienate, but to ultimately create clear choice for others - follow me or follow your own path. 

It's often been said that the best way to lead is by example. This is only partially true. True leaders do what they need to do while inspiring others to use their own talents, tools and resources to follow their own path to success. 

Some years back I read about how taking ice cold showers can be beneficial for your health and boost your immune system. I've experienced this firsthand. What I learned through experience is an added psychological benefit. I've found that each morning when I wake up, shave and then stand in the shower with ice cold water hitting my face and chest I am emboldened to tackle any tough challenges the day may bring my way. I figure that if I can get hit in the face with ice cold water first thing in the morning the rest of the day is pretty easy. This routine works great for me. Do I expect others to follow my example? Absolutely not. It's a pretty crazy idea, but it works for me. It's one of the things I DO to prepare me for any leadership moments that may come my way.

When I was younger I had an art teacher that taught me a powerful life lesson that has never left me. Eager for feedback on a drawing I was working on I would ask him daily how he thought it was looking. After several days he finally looked at me and said "Steve, be confident, finish it, put it in a frame and then we can judge it. Stop judging it while you are creating it." Later, in college an art professor gave a definition that reinforced this concept. He defined art as "the process of correction through recognition." 

Ultimately our lives as leaders will be judged when the tapestry we call life is framed and hanging on the wall. Until then our job is to course correct when we recognize we are off our defined path. Leaders are leaders because of who they are and what they do. Remember that in your creation process the examples of great leaders, like Mandela and their ability to grow and course correct can be a framework for your life. In the end - YOU are a leader because of who you are and what you do. LIFE is the process of correction through recognition. Leadership is the process of correction through recogninition. Live on. Lead on.

***Thank you for reading. Please follow the blog and leave your thoughts below.***

Can I Borrow a Feeling? Who's Really in Charge...You or Your Emotions?

The Greatest Generation was a generation defined by thier sacrifice, dedication and emotional maturity. History teaches us that one of The Geatest Generation's examples was their combined subjugation of emotion for the betterment of the country. This generation worked hard and sacrificed unnecessary pleasures for the betterment of the country. They gave life, limb, family and comfort for the rest of us. We still benefit today from the actions of this generation.

In our day and age the lessons of this generation would be very beneficial for us to remember. Today we Facebook, Tweet and Pin our emotions as if we worship them. "Feeling argh..." "Feeling sad..." "Feeling grrr..." You've seen the posts. Worse yet, you've seen the people whose lives are ruled and run by their emotions. We've gotten so good at not only expressing every emotion, but justifying them as well. "I know, right!?" "You SHOULD feel like that!"

Stephen R. Covey taught in his book "Principle Centered Leadership" that there are several "center" options for our life - family center, religion center, career center, emotion center etc. Ultimately, if we want a life that fulfills our needs and wants while contributing to the greater good we would do well to center our lives around a set of principles that we value. That way, our lives are driven by an unchangeable core and yet are flexible in execution and application when needed.

I'm not sure when, how or why we moved toward a more self-centered, ME, emotion driven cultural shift but it concerns me. Emotion drives life far too often. This leaves the emotionally driven person in the passenger seat of thier lives wondering "where all the drama comes from," "why they can't get on top of their lives" and "why life has to be so hard."

The mature leader has, at some point come to the realization that emotions should be the tool, the car rather than the driver of the car. To illustrate this point follow this simple exercise. Write down ALL of the emotions you feel in one week. After your list reaches a certain length and you see the difference between all emotions you feel you come to realize that if you let your emotions run you rather than you controlling and using them you will lead a pretty exhausting life. 

The next step may be one of the most powerful pieces to the puzzle. Put a star by or highlight the emotions you want to feel on a regular basis and feel with more intensity. Once you've chosen your list you now have the choice to create your life to feel those emotions more, or to continue to let your emotions run you. 

Ultimately, either through conscious choice, or lazy non-choice you are choosing. You are the driver. You know how to create the emotions and you chose your focus. Where will those choices lead you? You ARE the driver.

***Thank you for reading. Please follow the blog and leave your thoughts below.***