Leader's Compass 28 - A&I - A Lethal Combination

"I'm pretty much the best artist I know."

- Napolean Dynamite

We all know "that guy." You know, the guy who is never wrong, the guy who "always" knows, the guy who knew before you did..."that guy"....the legend in his own mind.

From rap stars songs revolving around themselves to the ever present "selfy" revolution we have transformed ourselves into a nation of hubris loving, self aggrandizing "that guys" or "that girls" that value arrogance over humility and ignorance over intelilligence.

Basic chemistry teaches us that certain compounds alone may not be as harmful as they are when combined with other chemicals. Mix the wrong two chemicals and you have and explosion. Psychology and relationships are the same. A&I, or arrogance and ignorance mixed together create an especially lethal compund for any leader. 

We can all remember that guy, or that girl who had a particular mastery of both qualities. Can't remember? Maybe that guy or that girl is you? Outside of just not showering, smelling bad and being consistently "the smelly kid" I can't think of a compound more repulsive to anyone in a leadership position. A&I drive others away, discourage growth and offend the masses. The legend becomes legendary in their hubris, their self aggrandizement, their constant need for self promotion. Sorry Mr. Important, but beyond your overly inflated ego no one cares how uber awesome you think you are.

Like a poison slowly spreading in the bloodstream of a leaders relationships the A&I compound has a tempering antidote. This tempering antidote is not an opposite, not an alternative but a vitamin, a medicine of sorts to lesson the negative affects. The curative compound L&R works as an appropriate antidote. L&R is not easy, however it can be both a quick fix and a long term deposit into the emotional bank account of any relationship.

L&R, or listening and restating go beyond mere passive listening, pretend listening (categorized by the "bullshit nod" and the classic "mmmhmm...'I'm not really listening but want you to think I am' grunt") and the ultimate "listening just to respond". L&R require you to be active with your ears and your body. Your body's language speaks to an inclination not only to hear, but to clarify and understand. L&R requires cognition, thought about what the other person is saying. L&R means that you may even be open emotionally to another person while you set your ego aside. 

  

If you ever find yourself pontificating on how awesome you are because you spent "like three hours shading the upper lip" of the drawing of your life remind yourself that A&I make you look about as cool as Napolean Dynamite in his stellar moon boots and rockin' Preston High gym class shirt. Take a dose of L&R and become truly legendary. Live well, be well and lead on.