How to Deal with Difficult People

"We have met the enemy, and he is us."

-          Walt Kelly

Picture this - you are going about your day and you notice something wrong. It's not in your department, your area, but it is in your company. You have several choices at this moment:

1. Ignore it and move on
2. Report it to a superior
3. Fix the problem yourself
4. Discuss the problem with the manager over the department where you notice the problem and seek to find a way together to fix it
5. Gossip about the problem, the worker(s) and manager(s) involved
6. Explode emotionally and criticize those around for not seeing the problem and fixing it

One of the purest definitions of a leader is by defining the word leader as a verb, an action word. A leader, therefore is not the title, the position, but rather a leader is a leader because of -

1. Who they are and
2. What they do

With this understanding in mind I want you to go back and look at the scenario above and ask yourself "what would a proactive, principle centered leader do in this situation?"

Let's say for the sake of our topic today that you choose to fix the immediate problem and then follow up with a discussion with the manager over the area or department in which you noticed the problem. Through your proactive approach and your partnering paradigm you hope and possibly expect that the manager would respond with both gratitude and a willing attitude to fix future problems. The result, however becomes just the opposite. Perhaps you hear one of the following responses:
- "Why aren't you minding your own business?"
- "Who are you to criticize?"
- "You don't run my department and you don't understand the stresses I am under."
- "Why don't you fix the problems in your area first before bringing me problems, it's not like you or your department are perfect!"

Sound familiar? What next? How dare they? I was just trying to help? Well now I’m just going to give up and only focus on me and my area? These are all natural responses. But they are not the response of a true leader.

True leaders carry their own weather inside them. They are not swayed by the external winds and rains that others may bring. The outside tempest from another individual or group does not sway the true leader who proactively understands that they control their response regardless of another person or their reaction.

So, what is the solution? This is where your leadership comes in. Many of us try to deal with these situations at the wrong time – in the moment. Take time now to review the scenario above, or one you have recently encountered and write out your proactive, leader focused response. They enemy of our growth is not the person in front of us – it is our own lack of preparation. They key to dealing with difficult people is to anticipate the challenges ahead of time, plan several responses that are respectful, polite and proactive in nature. Carry your calm with you by ensuring you have already “dealt with” difficult people and situations before interacting with them. Plan well and lead on.

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