Leader's Compass 10 - There is No Free Lunch - The High Cost of Poor Skill

In economics one of the guiding principles is that there is no such thing as a free lunch. Some time ago an economics professor gave a lecture and told his students about a movie that was sent to he and his wife through a movie subscription service. Neither of them remembered ordering the movie but they decided to watch it anyway. The movie was awful. Instead of turning it off as they were tempted to do they continued watching and saw the entire bad movie all the way through. At the end of the movie the economist's wife said "well, at least we didn't have to pay for it." "Oh contrair," the economist replied "we just spent two hours of our life that we will never get back. We paid for it with our time."

Everything in life has a cost. All too often we only define cost in monetary terms. Time, effort, energy, trade of goods, services or money all serve as currency in our exchange. Recently I came home to three grumpy kids and a concerned wife. "The kids have been arguing all afternoon" she said. "They aren't normally like this." We pulled the family together and I began asking questions to see where the distance had been created and why they were at each other's throats. The problem, it turns out is that each one of them had done something to hurt each other's feeling. 

What we did next demonstrates the high cost of poor skill and understanding and how a paradigm shift can pay great dividends in getting more desirable results . We grabbed two cups for each kid and a jar of pennies. "Name one thing that your brother, and one thing that your sister can do to make you feel good" I asked our oldest. She gave me an idea for both. I took out the pennies and said that her cups represents the "emotional bank account" she has with each one. The pennies put in the cup represent the "deposits" or deeds that the other person has done. We went around the room and demonstrated deposits and withdrawls, how much value is placed on certain deposits and what each person felt like the deposits and withdrawls were truly worth.

Prior to this demonstration the kids had poor skill and understanding about what it was that they had done to get into the contentious state. The cost of this poor skill and understanding was high - relationships were on edge, they were not only making withdrawls, but the withdrawls were multiplying with each transaction. Escalation was sharp.

The concept of the emotional bank account has great application to all leadership situations. Deposits and withdrawls are made by you and I. The value, however is determined by the other party. Lack of skill and understanding can lead us to go into debt and double, triple and possibly continue to multiply our costs, sometimes without our knowing. Strong skill sets in communication and relationship building ensure that the emotional bank ledger is both visible and managed. Open communication ensures that deposits are understood for their value. 

After we went through the exercise with our kids I gave them an assignment. "Your mom and I are still going on our date tonight and I expect that while we are gone that you three consciously make deposits in each other's accounts." They now had the knowledge and were needing practice to develop the skills to deposit more and withdraw less. The end result? We came home from our date to three connected, unified and happy kids. They were laughing, showing affection and had visible connection.

There is no such thing as a free lunch. Our words and actions have a cost. We are either spending our currency on actions that lead to better rewards or we are, through poor skill and knowledge withdrawing more and more until we become so indebted that our creditor may eventually cut off our credit. Open up, ask what the deposits are and most importantly how much value the other person places on each deposit and you are well on the road to greater dividends. 

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